Poetry Peeves!!!


Over the years, I’ve received a ton of Internet poetry via email that the sender, usually one of my sincere and well-meaning friends, lavishes their praise and accolades upon - This poem is great! This is SO true! If only EVERYONE would read this poem! - and on and on.

And typically, within the first few lines, I find myself in excruciating agony not able to bear even the thought of torturing myself by reading further. I realize everyone has their own particular style and taste in poetry. Some do not like poetry at all thinking it is a waste. Some like dark poetry, commiserating and wallowing vicariously in the misery of others.

I prefer love poems (nothing vulgar or salacious), inspirational poetry and fun poetry. In almost everything, even in tragedy, if you look closely, there is almost always something inspirational buried within.

Here are my “Poetry Peeves”:

Quite often the poetry that is sent to me is very dark. It is what I call the “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me” poetry; I call it that after the Linda Ronstadt song. This type of poetry is always very narcissistic and never about anything happy or inspiring: Oh, woe is me; No one understands me; Everyone dumps on me; Why is my life so miserable; Why am I always wrong; No one knows the real me, etc. In other words, it’s “incessant bitching” in rhyme!

My question is: with that attitude, why would anyone want to know the real you? I know I don’t! Everyone has troubles; not just you! Get over yourself!

And then there are the “forced rhyme” and the “predictable rhyme” poetry. The “forced rhyme” is when a word or phrase is used simply to conjure a line that rhymes with the predecessor line regardless of whether the line makes sense or not within the context of the predecessor line. Quite often it is merely a common platitude everyone has heard ad nauseam: i.e., you’re a poet and didn’t even know it (lose lunch here!). Lines that are simply espousing a platitude show that there was no real effort of thought on the part of the poet. One of the absolute worst poems I had ever read was merely a conglomeration of practically EVERY platitude known to common man!

An example of this is a poem that was written by someone I used to work with about the beautiful, bountiful colors of the autumn foliage. The poem went on about the red and gold. In order to rhyme the word “gold” the poet used the term “ecru mold.” I don’t know about you but I have never thought of ecru mold when I think of autumn. The line has nothing to do with the predecessor line, let alone the colors of autumn. It was simply manufactured just to rhyme.

The “predictable rhyme” is this: cover a poem with a piece of paper. Begin sliding the paper down such that you are reading the poem one line at a time. After reading a line, try to predict either the rhyming word or the entire rhyming line. If, with any degree of consistency, you can guess either, then there was little effort, thought and originality involved in the writing of the poem on the part of the poet. When the poet could not rhyme a word or line they simply resorted to the quick and obvious rhyming word or phrase.

Sometimes it is alright to use these as they make sense or there is little choice. It is their over use that ruins what could have been, with a little more thought, imagination and effort, a beautiful poem.

Another over use offense is the poet who finds a word, determines that he/she likes it and then runs with it! I wrote a poem called I Dream which repeatedly uses the words, you guessed it, I Dream. This was intentional in order to convey the image of someone who just cannot get someone out of their head; like that song that for some reason you just can’t get out of your head even when it’s one you hate. Intentional is one thing when it’s critical to the meaning or imagery of the poem. In contrast, using a word or phrase to excess and not using a Thesaurus is just pure laziness!

Another poetry peeve of mine is the poem that drawls on for page after page, sometimes with no real point. Or, the same point is repeated incessantly but in every possible term imaginable, as if the poet is simply trying to cover all possibilities and hit on something clever or brilliant. Not only is this exceedingly annoying it is an absolute waste of time to attempt to read.

When I receive an email poem, one of the first things I do is scroll to check the length. If I have to scroll past one screen the poem will probably end up in the trash bin. To ensure I am not about to waste my time reading it, I may read the first stanza and something near the end. If I could write the same message in a more concise and less blathering manner the poem visits the trash bin.

The meter of a poem is the poems rhythm. You typically pick up on the rhythm of a poem within the first stanza. Not all poetry has a specific rhythm. In poorly constructed poetry, though, this rhythm will arbitrarily change somewhere in the middle and then change back again to the original rhythm. Other than in the chorus of song lyrics that typically a have a different rhythm, poetry that, for no particular reason, changes meter in the middle and then changes back again is awkward and annoying to read.

And let’s not leave out the “God Ambush.” This is when a poem you’ve been enjoying, or not, suddenly changes tone at the end and turns into a preachy sermon about God: what God is saying, what God meant, how God wants you to act, you need to pray and thank God, etc. While it may only be a line or two, until the end there had been no mention of God.

The same poem with the “ecru mold” line also had the “God Ambush” at the end. The entire poem prior to the end was about the colors and beauty of the autumn foliage, although awkwardly worded and structured, in my humble opinion. At the end of the poem the poet felt it necessary to inform the reader that it is God who deserves our thanks and praise as it was God who created this wonder.

Really?! Who would have guessed?!

As you may have guessed, another thing I do when I receive email poetry is immediately scroll through it looking for the word “God” and then to the bottom looking for the “God Ambush.” If the poem is about God, that’s one thing. If there is no mention of God until the “ambush” then it immediately goes to the trash bin. The only reason I even read the “ecru mold” poem was out of courtesy to my former co-worker.

I believe in God. I am very secure in my beliefs in God. The last thing I need or want is for anyone to tell me what to believe, how to think, how or what to feel, or who to thank as if I have no ability to discern this on my own. In other words, I am not smart enough to figure this out using the brain that very same God gave me.

I am not about to listen to or read anything by anyone who acts as if they are an authority in translating God’s will, intent and message - especially when they write the obvious as if it’s a divine insight they must impart upon you. If you are going to write a poem about God then write a poem about God. If you are going to write about autumn foliage then write about autumn foliage. Choose a topic and then stick with it!